Queen B.

I met a girl this week. She's so beautiful. She's so tall and skinny and annoying tho. She drives me crazy. She makes me tired everytime I spend time with her. She makes me sweat all the time. She makes me feel hot. She makes me feel I have control of myself. She reminds me this is going to work out. She's a pain in the ass. But she's just perfect for me.

She taught me a way to stop starving everyday. Now I can eat anything I want to. Now I can laugh at myself without needing to use a blade. Now I can control my weight. Now I just have to let it all out.

She ain't no princess. She ain't no royalty. She ain't no goddess. I can't tell you her name. All I know is that people call her Queen B.

As in for me, I don't need to call her, ever. She's always right there for me, next to beside me, everytime I look around. She's not living me for a long time, and I'm glad this is our reality. I'm glad she's here with me. Now I don't have to feel so lonely all the time. Now I have a new girlfriend. Now she can make me feel tired and hot and needy everyday. We have each other, isn't that what really matters?

They're here.

My spirit's broken and my soul is weak.

I'm dead inside but my heart still beats.

Every heartbeat feels like a detonating bomb.

I could explode any minute.

One minute everything's shining and sparkling. You have the best time of your life and nothing or no one can't kill that happiness. You wouldn't nobody mess up with your time. As a matter of fact, you don't. You stand up for yourself. No one ever could break your heart. Only you have the power to look forward. It's a long way, and you planning to enjoy it. Life ain't no destination, but a journey.

But wait, isn't it..? It can't be. I mean, you're so happy and shinning. It just can't. Cause you deserve more. But they're coming. And they will catch you. You now it. And they're already here. The happy times are now over and the darkness is real. You can't escape. Your eyes are so blind that you can't even reach out for your mind, cause it's already taken. They've come from a long way and there's no "give it a break" plan.

They're here.

No one can escape.

Don't get too attached.

Don't come any closer she said.

But he didn't listen.

He wasn't paying attention to what was going to happen if he get too attached.

She had all her weapons ready.

She was always ready.

She'd be a fool if her soul get bloody because of a human like him.

One step.

You don't know what you're getting into.

Two steps.

I just want to take care of you.

Three steps.

I don't need nobody's help, you insolent fool.

Four steps.

Look at yourself. I can help you. I can take away the pain.

Five steps.

I'm warning you. One more step and I'll shoot your head off.

Last step.

Please! I'm begging you!

 BANG

He's dead.

Trying to understand how can someone live like that, with all that pain inside.

She goes around the earth killing innocent people.

Killing their insides cause she's too coward to face the reality.

Now he doesn't know how to go back to life again.

He's stuck in underground. With demons and monsters.

Now he can't get out.

Now he'll start killing innocents too.

Now people will want to help him too.

Others won't.

But those who get too attached will be dead when they least expect it.

Ain't it funny how it all works?

Screaming. Crying. Perfect storms. Then repeat.

I really hate it when things get repeated and repeated and repeated over and over and over and one more time again and again. It's frustrating.

It hurts. You can feel the pain rushing through your veins. You have no more blood inside your heart and little by little you keep on losing your soul and your faith gets vanished like water turning into smoke.

The days are no longer days cause you don't even know where you're standing anymore. The life is no longer life cause you don't feel alive no more. And the colors are now only black and white cause not even the rainbow you can see by now.

It all hurts. Being alone hurts. Being surrounded by people also hurts cause you don't want them close to you so you wish you were alone but when you're finally all alone you also hate it and nothing seems good enough for yourself. It's sick, isn't it?

Like when you finally find a bunch of people or even one little person who shows you that really cares about you and wants to see you happy and does anything possible to see you laughing and you do: you laugh and you smile and you're happy and you feel like nothing could break that happiness cause you finally feel safe. So you're scared they could abandoned you, cause it always happens. Maybe it will. Maybe it won't. And it doesn't matter, but the fear consumes you till you push them away by only yourself doing the job. And so it does: it ends. You're no longer safe. You're no longer happy. You feel you need those people to be okay. And it shouldn't be like that. You need to learn to love yourself cause those people won't be there for you forever. And it's hard. You don't know what to do cause all you want is to be fine, but you don't know the way out of such scary and pathetic room. So it all comes back to the start.

And i hate repetitions. I hate them so badly.