A few months ago my mom was talking on the phone with my boyfriend's mom, and my mom said "she might be 23 but inside her she's still a child, trust me" and yes, it's absolutely true. Girls of my age have already started University or know what they want for their future. I don't. I don't even know what I wanna do next week. I usually hate the "how do you see yourself five years from now?" questions. I don't want to think about the future. A few years ago I used to plan almost everything that happened to me. Then something happened, and I've learned that I didn't want that to be my future like. I don't wanna be the girl who has it all planned. I don't wanna be the girl who thinks she knows everything. I wanna explore my choices, cause I still don't know them. I wanna know me a little better everyday. I don't want to believe people will be always there for me, cause they won't. People abandon you just like that. You have someone by your side now, and he could be totally gone by tomorrow.
I've learned that people lie. Everybody lies. Even the ones closer to you. You lie to them too. Lying is part of our communications. There's no truth without lies. Just as there's no happiness without suffering. It would be very very veeeery boring if we were always happy without any goals to reach. Yes, it would be much easier, but we wouldn't know how great it is to feel proud about ourselves. We MUST learn how to crawl before we can actually know how to fly. Once you touch the sky, there's no going back to ground.
I'm not the kind of friend who will tell you what you wanna hear. I'll be mean, very mean. I'll speak up my mind and I don't care if that's what you wanted me to tell you, cause then that wouldn't be the real me. I'm gonna be truth to you, even if that means hurting your feelings. Then I'm sorry, but it'll be for the best.
I'm not the kind of girl you'll see parting every night. I've been there and I don't wanna go back. It gives me nothing good to stay in my life. You won't see me with a different guy every day, I don't want guys coming into my life just for sex. You won't even see me sexting cause I hate that. I always try to avoid it. Don't try it, you'll hurt me. You'll know the reason when the time's right. I'll be a very asexual person if you try it. Yes, call me a freak or a loser. I don't care, cause I'm proud of being who I am. And I don't want to be in a relationship with someone who has no respect about my feelings or thoughts. I want someone who stays by my side even when he doesn't understand me. I want someone who's proud to be my life partner. Someone I can dream awake with. Someone that doesn't push me to do things I don't want to and stays true and faithful to me and himself.
I'm not the usual and typical 23 year old girl. I feel I didn't even started living, like really living my life. I've always been repressed by adults. They never let me be my real self. Everytime I tried to be myself they wouldn't let me stay that way. Like if I was doing something wrong with my life.
People think that just because they helped you sometime, they have the right to have an opinion about your life or your decisions. Well here's something you should know: they don't. Only you are the guide to your journey. Cause that's what life is, a journey. And you must start riding it. It doesn't matter if you're alone or in company, just go and do it. Enjoy the life you were given. Every day is a gift given from above, not a given ride. Damn is hard to get out of your mind, God knows I've been there (still there), but if you never leave those memories, when will you? Now's the time.
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