Screaming. Crying. Perfect storms. Then repeat.

I really hate it when things get repeated and repeated and repeated over and over and over and one more time again and again. It's frustrating.

It hurts. You can feel the pain rushing through your veins. You have no more blood inside your heart and little by little you keep on losing your soul and your faith gets vanished like water turning into smoke.

The days are no longer days cause you don't even know where you're standing anymore. The life is no longer life cause you don't feel alive no more. And the colors are now only black and white cause not even the rainbow you can see by now.

It all hurts. Being alone hurts. Being surrounded by people also hurts cause you don't want them close to you so you wish you were alone but when you're finally all alone you also hate it and nothing seems good enough for yourself. It's sick, isn't it?

Like when you finally find a bunch of people or even one little person who shows you that really cares about you and wants to see you happy and does anything possible to see you laughing and you do: you laugh and you smile and you're happy and you feel like nothing could break that happiness cause you finally feel safe. So you're scared they could abandoned you, cause it always happens. Maybe it will. Maybe it won't. And it doesn't matter, but the fear consumes you till you push them away by only yourself doing the job. And so it does: it ends. You're no longer safe. You're no longer happy. You feel you need those people to be okay. And it shouldn't be like that. You need to learn to love yourself cause those people won't be there for you forever. And it's hard. You don't know what to do cause all you want is to be fine, but you don't know the way out of such scary and pathetic room. So it all comes back to the start.

And i hate repetitions. I hate them so badly.