♥ I'm in love and always will be ♥

Everyday when i wake up, i look at her and i'm proud of watching that girl being so strong.

She gets outta bed and washes her face. She hates herself. She wants to escape the life she was given. Sometimes she wishes she was dead, she needs another reality but hers. Or maybe she doesn't want to die but needs some things to change for better once and for all. She needs to feel better.

I love her.

She can't see how strong she is.

After all that's ever happened, she's still here with me.

The blood runs thought her veins.

Veins full of hate, pain and suffering.

But the heart is filled with hope and care and love.

She doesn't see that all the past was only to make her a warrior. So she fights a battle everyday and some days she wins, some others she gets lost in the woods all alone, but she never loses. You know why? Cause she's still breathing. And i'm proud of her. And i love her.

Her power is stronger day after day, even when she cries and cuts her own skin and bleeds till fall asleep. That's not weakness. That's her choice to heal the pain inside her mind.

So when she feels she's weak, i don't. I see a smart and lovely and charming girl full of joy and hope who wants to stay young and laugh and to have lots of safe fun. She deserves those smiles. And i love her.

I fall in love with her everyday of my fucking life.

Every time i look at the mirror, i fall deeper and deeper for her.

Her eyes. Her smile. Her hair. Her scars. And i love her.

She hates the mirror, but I love what i see.

Don't come any closer.

It shouldn't be like this. Not this way.

The rain should clean be but I'm dirty and messy as fuck.

I thought that could be the drop that fix me, that kept me safe till I get finally clean. And for months I started getting the dust out of my soul. But as usual, it didn't last that long.

Seventy nine days. That was all that took.

The filthy earth and lock of air suffocated me. They drove me to this. They build all this you're reading right now. All it took was a body with a mind to get twisted that easily.

Bang, just like that.

Cause when you feel he's the water drop to get you ready for the cleaning before the rain comes down, you're fucking wrong. Is your mind playing with yourself and laughing all over your face. Ain't it fun? She thinks it is.

And so you feel you need to get their attention. Get them to think they know you so you feel you have something to live for. You manipulate them, cause that's what we do the best, and they don't even notice it at all. They're fools but they think they're so clever trying to keep you safe.

But... wait... didn't you wanted that?
Didn't you wanted to feel save and to be loved?
You thought you did.
Didn't you needed their attention and care?
You thought you did.
Cause once they show love and care and attention, you dismiss it. You still feel empty.

So you play with the minds of the people that cares about you. You then make them feel just as miserable as you are. Cause if you can't be happy they can't neither. So you push them to the darkness, they don't even notice it. They have no idea. Only the strongest ones stick around. And they're the ones who make you realize nothing that you've been doing makes it better. They show it to you with grace and peace and most important of all: love.

Love heals every time, even if you don't believe me (and my future me while being depressed) I can tell you now. Cause their love makes you believe you can start loving yourself once and for all.

And the best you can do is follow that road. Is the best journey you could travel.

It is worth all the effort.